Cooking up a Family

Chief of Chiefs

2011-09-11T12:21:00.000-07:00

It is a strange thing to go to a funeral when you are pregnant. For 9 months you are focused on life and growth and new beginnings. At the funeral you are focused on things that have already passed, things that will be no more. Everything feels final. One of the hospice nurses rubbed my belly and said "as one generation goes out, another one comes in. Gramps will be with that baby." And she's right. Life continues on. Gramps passed away and Owen will be born. We will all pass, and many others will be born. I will be a lucky mom if Owen is half the man Gramps was. Loving, gracious, helpful, selfless. And he was good looking, too. Nana said one of the things she hated most about Gramps being sick is that he "lost his cute butt". I can't say that I've ever noticed Gramps' butt, but I believe you, Nana. I've never seen a more handsome man in uniform, though. He should've been in movies.

He retired from the navy in 1974 as Master Chief. His navy buddies dubbed him the "Chief of all Chiefs". I never knew that side of Gramps, he retired before I was born. I did, however know the Gramps that took me camping and opened my Donald Duck orange juice cans. I remember the Gramps that took me along with him to work repairing broken windshields in the South Carolina heat. I remember thick hair, black rimmed glasses and blue work jumpsuits. I remember the always calm, always kind Gramps that loved his family. There are no bad memories of Gramps. He could be found in the garage, on the roof or under the hood of a car. And of course, in front of the TV watching the race. That man loved to watch the race.

As final as a funeral may seem, it is not. Gramps went into eternity with a quiet confidence. He knew his Savior intimately, and he had no doubts about what would happen to him when his life on earth would end. Can we do that? Can we face eternity with the assurance that Gramps had? Life's trials and disappointments, including a long painful illness, had not deterred his faith in Christ. Above all others, I hope that is the legacy that is passed on to the rest of us.

I know that one day we will meet again. And I know that he will be there waiting, with my can of Donald Duck orange juice, the tab already pulled.

A Greater Purpose

2011-08-16T01:17:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago Sean and I traveled to Tallahassee to visit with a friend who was moving across the country. It was a great weekend of catching up with old friends, staying out late and sleeping past 6am. On Sunday morning we grabbed breakfast at Bagelheads (you know, the place we met and started this crazy life) and headed to Element 3 church. Our good friend Eric, who normally leads worship, was preaching. So, our other friend Evan was leading worship. He was joined by his sister Kelby, who played bass and sang vocals. In the middle of worship the thought occurred to me that Evan and Kelby's mom, Wendy, must be so proud of them. This started a crazy thought tangent that went something like this:

I wonder what their childhood was like. Did Miss Wendy always have music on at the house? Did she sing them bed time songs or send them to piano lessons instead of soccer games? What made it possible for both of her children to have such great musical talent? Whatever it was, I want to do it so Finley can play bass and harmonize like that!

Then I had this second stream of thoughts:

What if their music ability had absolutely nothing to do with music they did or did not listen to as a child? What if it had nothing to do with their upbringing and everything to do with a gift that God had given them? What if seemingly small details in our life have nothing to do with the here and now and everything to do with a much bigger purpose? God knew that in giving them musical ability, they would one day be on a stage, together, leading people in worship.

What if moving to Pace wasn't about being closer to family but really about putting Finley (and soon to be baby Owen) into a place where they might come to know Christ? Or thinking even bigger, putting them in a place where they might impact others for the Kingdom? Imagine the weight of our actions if we were aware of their impact on an eternal scale?

I believe God has not only knit us together in our mother's womb and created us, but He has also knit together our paths and our purpose. It is on purpose that I work in the Peds ICU at Sacred Heart. It is on purpose that Sean works for the state. It is on purpose that Finley is loved by her teachers at day care. It is on purpose that we are here now, doing what we are doing, being who we were created to be.

Sean and I left Tallahassee feeling a little sad. We miss our friends. We miss our church. We miss Qdoba and Forever 21 and TCBY. But, we know in our hearts moving was the right thing. I think God gave me a little nudge with Evan and Kelby to remind me that our baby steps here on Earth are all a part of a greater purpose.

Saturdays are for Antiquing.

2011-02-14T19:39:00.000-08:00

I'm a sucker for old things. Luckily, Sean is too. Shiny, new things just don't have the same appeal to me as something that's been around for 80 years, or something that has a story to tell. I can't seem to resist rust, chipped wood and faded fabric. In our new home we have a front room that we have no idea how to use. It could be a formal dining room (which we would never use) or a formal living room (again, a room we have no use for). Right now our idea is to find Sean a desk and maybe some upholstered chairs and make a sitting room. On Saturday we went on the hunt for the perfect desk at some local antique shops. I brought my camera along to document the day.

The first place we went was Poor Richards. The man that owns this place gets everything in the store from Europe, mostly Germany and France. In the main showroom there are armoires from the 1700 and 1800's that are massive. I mean huge. Several feet taller than Sean and 4 or 5 feet wide. You can easily imagine them in castles and being filled with giant skirts and petticoats. And hanging on the walls are giant grandfather clocks and relics from old churches. Obviously all of these things are way out of our price range, but very fun to look at. As you wind your way around back there is an opening to a warehouse. This is where the owner works on restoring some damaged pieces and stores everything that doesn't fit in the showroom. This place was packed to the brim with antique furniture, structural pieces and rare finds. One of my favorites was a bucket full of wood block letters for newspaper letterpress, and the door off of an old apartment building from Brazil. There's not really anything in this picture to give you scale, but if Sean were standing next to these doors, he'd only reach about halfway up.

I wanted it all. I loved looking at a piece of furniture and looking at it's scratches and wear marks and imagining the life it lived.

This table had an incredibly detailed top.(Click on it to make it larger.)
Sean and I stumbled on a collection of old school maps. We were instantly sold and decided to haggle with Poor Richard. A few minutes later we were the proud owner of a topographical map of Netherlands, Belgium and Luxembourg. (50 bucks off the asking price!) Glorious. Here it is hanging in our home. What school room would have been large enough for this map? Crazy.
After our trip through Poor Richards, we headed over to Duh. Their website can be found here. If I could have a dream home, this is how it would be designed. Every single room in this store is exactly what I love. Muted colors, distressed wood, quirky accessories...I loved it all. Some rooms took my breath away. I took so many pictures in hopes of designing some rooms in our home to look like Duh. (By the way, on the outside of the price tags are questions. When you open the tag it says "Duh", and then the answer to the question. Clever)

It's hard to tell in these pictures, but most of the furniture is salvaged or repurposed. One of my favorites was an old pharmacy cabinet that was turned into a buffet. You can see the top of it in this picture.
I left feeling sad that this place was not my house (especially after seeing the price tags and knowing I can never afford these things). I had to make a conscious effort to see it as a chance to be inspired and maybe do some DIY projects to get the same look for a lot less money. A little paint and some sandpaper can go a long way, right?

Now I want to roam around northwest Florida looking for abandoned buildings in hopes there's an amazing piece of dust covered furniture waiting for me to come to it's rescue.

This was one of the best Saturdays that we've had in a long time. Saturdays are for Antiquing.

The Search for Creativity.

2011-02-08T17:55:00.001-08:00

Lately the daily grind of being a wife, mother and nurse has been especially exhausting. Finley started walking (and getting into EVERYTHING) just as work really began to pick up and get busy. There have been many days recently that I get home well after 8:00pm only to start my other job of being a wife and mother. I adore being a wife to Sean and mother to Finley but I do not adore being a nurse. It's an alright job, and there are moments that are really fulfilling, but for the most part I leave work exhausted and dreading the next day. Taking care of other people is often a heavy burden to bear. Many times on my way home I think of other jobs I could have. Almost always, I think of things like a hairstylist, interior decorator, blogger or photographer. These are all things very different than being a nurse. More creative, less scientific. I crave creativity. I love to walk in to a fabric store and swoon over all the patterns. I follow design blogs and dream of one day being a stay at home mom and blogging about all the cute things I did that day. I miss writing, and reading poetry and constantly finding new music. Nursing is all facts and rules and critical thinking. I'm on a mission to have more creativity in my life. I need to get my sewing machine out and start making things. I need to listen to new music. I need to develop new skills. Recently Sean traded in some of his old cameras and bought me a new camera. A camera that requires more than point and shoot, a camera I can learn on, try out some new things and hopefully fulfill my need to be creative.

New Year, New House!

2011-01-10T18:28:00.000-08:00

(Sorry about the video issues in my last post. To be honest, I have been too lazy to figure out why it wouldn't load. If you want to see it, it can be found here. )

Most of you know that Sean and I are currently under contract on a house here in Pace. We couldn't be more excited about finally getting into the house and making it our home. We poured over every house available in the areas we wanted to live in, made lists, weighed our options and narrowed the search down to 4 houses. After visiting the first house I was sold. Sean, on the other hand, needed to see the other three before making his decision. By that afternoon we knew we wanted to make an offer. Here it is! We (tentatively) close January 21st.

For Finley!! The land behind the fence is ours too, so there's sure to be a lot of exploring in our future.
(Images from zillow.com)

Very different than our tiny 1960's ranch in Tallahassee, right? Thank goodness for room to grow!

You haven't heard much from me about the buying process because it has been such a positive experience so far, especially when compared to buying and selling our home in Tallahassee. We were emotionally spent after dealing with the drama of selling our home and I don't think we could have handled another stressful real estate experience. This whole process has been such a blessing and speaks to how God has gone ahead of us and prepared these things for us.

(When I was in high school I did a study on all the names of God. Jehovah-Nissi means "The Lord Our Banner", and usually is used in reference to war and speaks to God's provision and protection for his people in battle. Sometimes I think of it as the banner that leads a marching band. They "make the way", so to speak, for the band and prepare everyone for their arrival. God has definitely prepared the way for us, and the bible tells us His banner over us is love. {Song of Soloman 2})

Ideally we would love an older home with tons of charm and unique details, but those homes don't really exist in Pace (not unless we bought a hundred year old farmhouse on 50 acres in the middle of nowhere). Maybe one day we'll retire to the Northhill neighborhood in Pensacola (can I get an Amen?!). Plus, because this home is newer, we will be able to move in and not have to change a thing. Of course, Sean and I can't live in a house and not make some changes. I think we have spent more time looking at furniture, design magazines and blogs than we did looking for the house. I can waste a whole day blog stalking, and I can't wait to try out some design tips that I've seen on other blogs. One of my favorites, Jones Design Company, has us very excited about trying out an ambitious painted wallpaper design that can be found here. Thank goodness for bloggers who share the love. We're not so sure we could do a whole room, so we're planning on painting the wall behind our headboard. Cool, right? I also have high hopes of painting our Ikea dressers something other than black, designing a rad playroom for Finley, and a photo collage in the foyer that is swoon-worthy. Who doesn't love a photo collage? Especially one that will take up the whole wall?
(Image from Ellen Silverman via decorpad.com)

I'll definitely be stealing Sean's camera to document all of these fun projects, so look for blog updates in the future.

I can't wait!

New Year, New Trick!

2011-01-03T13:19:00.000-08:00

I managed to breeze right through the holiday weekend without making a single resolution. It didn't even cross my mind. Let's just say it's not my style. I spent the weekend hanging out with my family and venturing out in the monsoon that hit north Florida. And of course, video taping this:

I set her down in the living room expecting her to sit down and crawl. Instead she took off across the living room like she's been walking all her life. Now if I could just get that girl to say Mama.

Traditions

2010-12-13T18:07:00.001-08:00

My poor Finley has a birthday on Christmas Eve. I know no matter how hard Sean and I try to make her day special, she will inevitably get lost in the shuffle of the Christmas holiday. I was thinking the other day that I really hope her husband goes out of his way to make her birthday special. Anyway, I want to do something for her birthday every year that will hopefully show her how much we love her, something that she can look at as an adult and know that we put great thought into picking out the perfect present. I was talking to Sean's mom about this the other night. We were brainstorming some ideas and she finally came up with a charm bracelet. I instantly loved the idea. Starting this year Finley will receive a charm every year for her birthday. I got excited while shopping for her charm. I really hope that I can buy charms that correlate with milestones in her life. I saw a school house charm and I think that will be perfect for the year that she starts school. Ballerina slippers, a soccer ball, a car, cap and gown. I can't wait!

This is her charm for 2010. Disclaimer: This is uber cheesy...But I chose this one because she has the key to my heart. We love that little girl so much.

Finley Washing Her Hands

2010-12-05T13:56:00.000-08:00

Every time I change Fin's diaper I clean my hands afterwords with hand sanitizer gel. Lately, Finley has been mimicking me, and rubbing her hands together after each diaper change. Smart girl.

Finley's Room

2010-12-04T15:10:00.001-08:00

I am obsessed with fabric, so I made these fun pieces to hang on Finley's wall. And when I get tired of them I can switch out the fabric for something new.

I think this is my favorite project ever. And so easy to make!

Finley Playing the Keyboard

2010-09-15T17:00:00.000-07:00

Sean, this post is for you.

2010-09-04T23:08:00.000-07:00

My dear husband was kind enough to point out that in my last post I didn't mention anything about the Cook family moving to Pensacola. Sean, this post is for you.

Sean and I have talked on and off about one day moving to Pensacola. Originally our plan was to move sometime in the next three to five years. If you know even a little bit about the Cooks you know that we don't do anything slow. Do I need to remind you of the time frame in which Sean and I met, got engaged, became married, bought a house and had our sweet Finley? Even Finley decided to jump on to the Cook family bandwagon and show up 6 weeks ahead of schedule. And I won't dare to tell you how early in our relationship we talked about getting married...you'd think an appearance on the Maury Povich show was in our future. Anyway, our three to five year plan went to "When we pay the car off" and then to "As soon as we sell the house" to "Now". We put the house on the market, applied for jobs and said a prayer. Fast forward a few weeks later and we're packing up the house and preparing for our move.

Sean and I are very excited about the things to come. Tallahassee has been good to us, but we both have a strong desire to be closer to family. Having a baby will do that to you. We're also excited about being in a house that has a little wiggle room (and a pool!) and very thankful for Sean's parents for taking us in. Our house was perfect for the two of us, but the day Finley came home it shrunk exponentially. We're praying hard for it to sell. It's a tough market, and that is one of our biggest sources of stress right now. We're also praying for Sean to find a job that will not only provide for our family, but be one that he enjoys. It's no fun working a 9 to 5 when you're not excited about what you're doing.

I got a job working in the Pediatric ICU at Sacred Heart Children's hospital. I'm so excited to be working in a children's hospital and I'm even more excited to be on day shift. It's been three years since I gave up my day shift position and I can't wait to get back to the land of the living. Working nights is doable, but it is hard. Being offered a day shift position as a new hire is rare, so I definitely feel very blessed.

Our last day in Tallahassee is September 21st. Finley has a check up that morning and then we're headed out of town. I tend to have a lot of anxiety about change, especially such big changes, so I'm hoping I keep my cool and don't end up pulling my hair out, puking my guts up or being just an all around crabby person. Poor Sean. Have I mentioned he's a saint?

Let the countdown to day shift begin!

Ok, So Consistency Isn't My Strong Suit.

2010-09-01T18:00:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a long time, but if I were to update you on everything that has been going on in the Cook Family since my last post it would be unfair to your eyes and my fingers. I'll try my best to do lots of mini posts in the near future. And let's be honest, you are all here to read about Miss Finley, so we'll start with her.

The girl is on the move. Seriously.

She went from doing awkward push ups to chasing us down the hallway in about three weeks. And now she thinks she's cool because she's figured out how to pull up to her knees. Don't stand still for too long in our house or you'll end up with an 8 month old grabbing at your knee. Of course, she decides to do this a mere 3 days after we lowered her crib one level. We should've lowered it two. And speaking of having an 8 month old, when did that happen? Time is flying. I think she finally looks the part, if you know what I mean. Now when complete strangers ask how old she is we don't hear any confused (and sometimes rude) comments about how small she is. And for the first time in her life she can wear clothes that are made for a baby her age. You don't know how exciting this is for me, people. I would have bet you ten bucks she'd still be wearing 6 month onesies at a year old.

All this growing means she has a new car seat.
I think she approves.

And she's a big girl now and sits in a high chair when we go out. At least she attempts too. Although she has grown considerably, some things are still just too big. Most high chairs are way to deep for her. She gets tired of sitting with no support and I end up holding her. This means I have (somewhat) mastered the art of eating with one hand and keeping Finley contained with the other. So far so good, but that girl is quick. I see flying silverware in our future. Please don't judge.

I feel like the last quarter of the year flies by, so her birthday is right around the corner. Then I will have a 1 year old. Eek! Confession: I feel intense pressure to plan the perfect 1st birthday party for her, but that's a whole new post. Until next time...

A Lesson in Grief

2010-06-07T21:02:00.000-07:00

When I was pregnant with Finley I think I was a part of a majority of pregnant women who watch baby shows on TV. You know the ones I'm talking about. Cheesy couples allow cameras to follow them during the last few weeks of a pregnancy and then film the birth. During my pregnancy I was obsessed. I usually watched a couple of shows a day, taking it all in, and when those mothers cried at the sound of their new baby I cried, too. I watched every episode wondering if that's how my birthing experience would be. I tried to gauge how I felt about the various ways a birth could play out. C-section? Sure, if that's what it took. Lots of people in the room for a vaginal delivery? Heck no, not an option. Epidural? Maybe yes, maybe no.

The reward of giving birth is definitely the precious child that you have been waiting 9 long months to see. And oh what a reward it is. Ultimately I didn't care how Finley got here. I just wanted her here. I assumed I would go into labor, feel those birthing pains that have plagued women ever since Eve, and prepare myself for the grueling task ahead. Finley and I would give it our all, and if things didn't work out a c-section would be our next best option. During the last few weeks of my pregnancy we discovered Finley had stopped growing and that my amniotic fluid levels were very low. Going into labor and allowing Finley to go through the stress of contractions was not an option. I had to have a c-section.

At the time, we were so scared for the health and safety of our daughter that I didn't think twice about a c-section. It was the best and safest option. I wanted her out and I wanted her out now. Those scary days have passed, and I've had some time to reflect on my experience. I find myself feeling sad about how the pregnancy ended. Selfishly I feel sad about missing out on those last six weeks of feeling Fin in my belly, feeling her hiccups and seeing arms and legs poke me from the inside. At times I am sad about not being able to have a vaginal delivery and sad about knowing that I will have to have a c-section for future pregnancies. There was a part of me that wanted to prove to myself that I could deliver a child. I wanted to know what a contraction felt like. I wanted Sean to help me breathe and rub my back and hold my hand. I wanted to take a deep breath, put my chin to my chest and find that last little bit of strength to help Fin into the world. I wanted to do that thing that all mothers do.

Reflecting back on the last six months, and thinking ahead to future pregnancies I feel as though I have processed through some level of grief. Not grief as in a death or a great tragedy, but grief as in a loss. Not an overwhelming sadness or even resentment, just the feeling that there is an experience in life that I will not be able to take part in. I realize that I sound like I am complaining or that I'm ungrateful. That is definitely not my intention. I know that we are blessed. I know that Finley's health and safety is a gift from our Heavenly Father. Not the far away god with the big booming voice and a ruling fist, but the God who truly is our Father. The God that loves his children and looks on them with favor.

I know that God understands my grief. But even more that that I know that God planned Finley's arrival into this world. And that's where the peace comes from. There is peace in knowing that someone greater than me is in control. Finley will be six months old this Thursday. Now my days are filled with laughing and dress up and tummy time. That c-section really does feel like a distant memory. I have resolved to look at my scar not as a sign of loss, but rather as a testament to God's provision in my life.

How Cute is this Girl?

2010-06-05T17:13:00.000-07:00

Finley Girl Dancing

2010-06-03T11:22:00.000-07:00

Weekend Adventures

2010-06-02T11:03:00.001-07:00

On the weekend shift I am allowed 6 days off per year. This past weekend, I used some of those days to visit with family and spend time with Sean. On Saturday we traveled to Georgia to introduce Finley to my grandfather and two of my cousins and their baby girls. One of the little girls, Lauren, was born just a few weeks before Finley. My cousin Shannon was also there with her daughter Raegan.
After a short visit in Albany with my mom's family we headed north to Lake Blackshear to visit with my dad's family. My cousins Carla and Sarah were finally able to meet Sean and Finley, and we were able to meet Carla's fiance, Todd. We had so much fun hanging out by the water, eating good food and playing in a corn hole tournament. Somehow we ended up in second place!

Wouldn't it be nice if this was your view every morning?

Originally Sean and I were going to go to the Jacksonville Zoo on Tuesday as a way to spend some time together. After being on the road all day Saturday with Finley we decided it might be a better idea to stick close to home. So we built a flower garden instead! We have a lot of grand ideas for our house, especially our yard, but we don't necessarily have the skill or money to do everything we'd like. So instead of building a retaining wall and patio (which is what we really want!), we started with a simple garden. Sean went into man-mode and did almost all of the hard labor over two days.

Removing the grass was definitely the hardest part, and it took the longest. Finley made sure to supervise Papa's work.
Sometimes she had to get bossy and shake her finger.
In the end I think all the hard work paid off. I'll admit that I wasn't excited about spending my days off out in the hot sun doing manual labor. Plus, I'm a planner, and we did the whole project spontaneously. I didn't research any of the plants or materials ahead of time (other than looking on the plant tag to see how much sun it would need), so this project was an exercise in spontaneity for me.
Weekends like this definitely make me want to be a stay at home mom. Sean and I spend our evenings together, but we rarely get entire days together. Our house would look completely different if I had every weekend off!

Finley Laughing!

2010-05-11T15:40:00.000-07:00

Tonka Trucks and Dress Up

2010-05-09T18:33:00.001-07:00

When I was younger I talked about wanting to have boys. Lots of boys. I always thought football games and Tonka trucks and playing in the yard would be the coolest thing. Plus, I'm not the girliest person in the world, so I wasn't sure how I would relate to a little girl who wanted to play dress up and house. And what am I going to with a 5 year old diva?! As soon as we found out we were pregnant I had a sneaking suspicion that we were having a girl (I had a 50% chance of being right). By the time we found out that Finley was indeed a girl I was so excited about having a daughter. Then I blogged to the world that Finley would not be dressed in head to toe pink, her room would not be pink and she was not going to be a girlie girl. We'd take her to soccer instead of ballet and I'd teach her how to throw a mean punch.

Well folks, here is my confession: I love playing dress up with Fin. I go to Target for toilet paper and come home with a new dress. I love buying her clothes. When we go out I like for her to be in an outfit rather than just a onesie. And yes, she does wear pink. And bows. Lately Sean and I have taken notice of the big girl clothes. The dresses and outfits at Target for toddlers are absolutely adorable. I say all the time that if they made the dresses big enough for me I would wear them. One day recently we were eyeing some dresses on the clearance rack. Even though they were size 2T, they were just too cute to pass up. Here are the dresses we bought that day. I can't wait until Fin is big enough to wear them.

Aren't they adorable? At first this was a one time thing. But Sean and I think it would be fun to start buying her clothes that she can't wear for a few years. That way, when she's three she'll be the only girl in her preschool class that has that dress. She can tell all her buddies it's vintage. :)

More than her just having cute clothes we are excited about the idea of Finley developing her personality and character into being a unique person. We don't want her to feel like she has to follow all the trends and be like everyone else. I know I'm talking about just a dress, but I'm also talking about our desire to instill a sense of confidence in her that won't be chipped away by society. Our goal is to teach her that she was fearfully and wonderfully made, and that cute dresses or not, she is beautiful and unique and loved. For now, we'll just have fun playing dress up.

Thoughts on Being a Working Mom.

2010-05-05T11:29:00.000-07:00

Five days out of the week I get to stay home with Finley during the day. I absolutely adore this time that we spend together. She's my partner for everything. We sleep in, run errands and visit Sean for lunch. A lot of times we just sit around and make funny faces at each other (she always wins). After a week of hanging out with Fin, Friday rolls around and I begin my work week. I leave for work Friday night and the next 72 hours are filled with lots of work and a little bit of sleeping, but not a lot of time with Finley or Sean. I hate this. As each week passes by I want more and more to be a stay at home mom.

I'm sure when the feminist movement took off most women thought entering the work force was a huge victory. They were no longer bound to the home to be just a mother or wife. They could now be a secretary, teacher, or nurse. Birth control meant they could put off having children to focus on a career. Social norms were changing rapidly, and a woman could date around without the pressures of marriage. It must have felt very liberating and empowering to have a new part of their identity. But at what expense? Something about the woman being out of the home just doesn't sit right with me. I'll be the first to admit that I don't know everything there is to know about parenting and everyday has been a learning experience (some days more than others!). But, I feel very strongly that I was created to be a mother. I was created to nurture and protect. I was created to sacrifice for someone else. I was created to pour out love for another human being. Now that Finley is here, having my degree and working full time isn't fulfilling like society tells you it should be. I have no desire to work. My thoughts are always of home and always of Sean and Finley. In some strange way, I am envious of the 50's housewife. More than anything, I want to be a stay at home mom.

As with most things in life I feel like this is a season. This is such a crucial time in Finley's development. She needs to be held and comforted and talked to. She needs to learn that Mama and Papa are here for her and we'll do everything we can to meet her needs. This is our chance to bond as a family. I can imagine that in a few years I'll look forward to a few days at work as a respite from my days at home with a crazy two year old. But for now I dread my time at work and can't wait for Monday morning.

4 month update!

2010-04-25T19:57:00.000-07:00

Yes, I realize that it has been a very long time since I've posted a new blog. And yes, I told you I'd continue our baby blog after Finley was born. Well, life happens. Finley happened. The NICU happened. Eating every two hours for weeks after weeks happened. But today I have stolen a quiet moment to try and update you on all that has been going on in the Cook family.

Finley arrived six weeks early after giving everyone a really good scare. Her birth and subsequent 15 day hospitalization were completely uneventful (except for my 24 hours worth of itching from Morphine). As one of the doctors said, she gained weight "like gangbusters" and really impressed the medical staff with her growth. Just like her mama, she likes to eat. There were a few bumps in the road, but overall she was perfectly healthy, just tiny. I have no doubt that things went so smoothly for us because of prayer. From the minute we found out something wasn't right, Finley and I were covered in prayer. She is a miracle, and a testament to the healing powers of Christ. After Finley was born I underwent several lab tests and it was discovered that I have a mutated section of DNA. Although this sounds horrible, it is a condition that can be easily controlled by taking a large amount of Folic Acid each day. This affects not only future pregnancies, but my cardiovascular health as well. Had Finley's pregnancy been without complications, I may not have ever found out that I have this condition.

The past four months have been an absolute joy for me and Sean. We are in love with our little girl. She is hitting her milestones right on track with her corrected age (her age from her due date, not her actual birthdate), and she is growing like a weed. She loves to smile and coo and lately she's been fascinated with her hands. At time it looks like she is trying to get her whole fist in her mouth. I thought she was going to be in preemie diapers forever and then one day she decided she was going to be a big girl and start growing out of things. Since then she has grown out of size Newborn and Size 1 diapers, and she has just recently grown out of Newborn onesies. It was such an exciting day when we realized that we could put her in 0-3 month clothes. She had a whole new wardrobe to wear! And I have grown to love playing dress up with her. I never thought I would be that kind of mom, but I love shopping for new clothes for her. And Bows! We love putting her in bows.

Sean has become quite the Mr. Mom. He has done an amazing job with Finley and is a natural father. The first weekend I went back to work he called a couple of times each night with questions, but it didn't take long until he had everything firgured out. He was quick to pick up on her mannerisms, her cries, and what she likes and doesn't like. And Finley loves her papa. He can get her to sleep faster than I can, and he can always get a smile out of her.

We go to the doctor on Tuesday for her four month check up and I can't wait to see how big she is. I'm guessing she's at least 12 pounds. It's hard to believe that just a few months ago she was only 3 pounds and was eating a teaspoon at a time. I look at her round face and chunky legs and count my blessings over and over again.

2010-01-07T14:39:00.000-08:00

Finally getting fat cheeksPapa makes us laugh

Feed Me!

2010-01-01T18:40:00.000-08:00

It's been quite a week for Finley and the Cook Family. After several days of losing weight (which all babies do, not just preemies), Finley is on the upswing and has gained weight steadily over the past three days. Her weight tonight was 3 pounds 8 ounces, so she has passed her birth weight of 3 pound 7 ounces. A gain of half an ounce to an ounce per day is considered good progress. Finley has gained 7 ounces in the past three days! She's an over achiever already!

Our days consist of driving to the hospital to feed Finley her 11:30 am feeding and then again for her 5:30 pm feeding. The unit closes several times a day to visitors for an hour at a time while nurses change shifts. We also try to limit our time with her so that she has as much time as possible to rest and conserve energy. She tends to wake up when we hold her, so we try to only hold her right before and right after a feeding. This is incredibly hard on me. I hate that she lays in her isolette for most of the day and doesn't really get any stimulation. I have to constantly remind myself that rest is what she needs and it is what's best for her, but I could sit in the rocker and hold her all day long.

The nurses and doctors seem very pleased with her progress. She needs to be at least 4 pounds 4 ounces to go home. She also has a list of other milestones she has to meet before they'll discharge her. We're thinking she'll probably be in the hospital at least 2 more weeks. Hopefully they will start weaning her tube feedings and let her breastfeed or take bottles more frequently. I'm dying to see her make more progress, but I know that we can't ask too much of her.

She seems like such a different baby from just a few days ago. She has more energy and is much more alert. She opens her eyes, kicks her legs, and cries when she's upset. Most of the time she's awake and sucking her hand and ready to eat 30 minutes or so before her feeding is due. This makes her mamma happy!

Here are a few more pictures.

2009-12-29T18:19:00.000-08:00

Finley is Here!

2009-12-26T16:10:00.000-08:00

What a week! Finley decided that her stay inside mamma's belly was over and she was delivered by c-section at 4:12 pm on December 24th. She was 3 pounds 7 ounces and 15 3/4 inches long. What a wonderful Christmas present!

On Wednesday (the 23rd) Dr. Hume did an ultrasound and there was no change in my amniotic fluid levels but Finley still looked reassuring. Because I had an appointment the next day he said he would let Dr. Brickler decide about delivery. Sean and I were so disappointed that we would have to wait another day. The entire week building up to delivery had been very stressful on us because we were so worried that Finley would take a turn for the worse and we wouldn't know about it until it was too late. Dr. Brickler walked into our room, sat on the counter, and immediately started to explain that he felt like the pregnancy had reached the point that it was no longer safe and we needed to deliver that day. Even though we knew Finley would be premature we were relieved to know she would be managed outside the womb by a team of highly skilled doctors and nurses. We left the office and went straight to labor and delivery.

The c-section went off without a hitch and Finley tolerated everything well. As soon as her head was out she took a breath and let out a little cry. It was the best noise I've ever heard. She was doing well enough at delivery that the nurse and the Respiratory Therapist wrapped her up and let me see her before they took her away. Sean got to cut the cord and go with her to the NICU while they measured her and got her settled. After a few minutes she started showing signs of some minor respiratory distress and she was put on high flow oxygen through a cannula in her nose. It's not uncommon for c-section babies to have some distress because their lungs usually have a little bit of fluid in them. She responded well and was weaned down to room air by the next morning. Her breathing has been completely stable ever since. Her main issue at this point is her small size. Because she's premature, it won't be as simple as feeding her and letting her gain weight. She has to be able to eat quickly without expending too much energy. There's a good chance this whole process will be two steps forward, one step back. Once she's able to take larger amounts of milk consistently they will let me try to breast feed. Right now I am pumping breast milk for her. I am so thankful that I have not had any problems with pumping because I feel like it is something I can tangibly do for her. The nurses have been very good about letting me change her diapers, take her temperature, etc when I'm visiting. It feels good to do mommy things.

I am very confident in the NICU nurses and doctors. They are providing excellent care for Finley and they are cautiously optimistic that her stay will not be as long as originally expected. There are still some lab tests that are pending, but we've been told the tests are routine and that they will most likely be negative. My placenta was sent to a pathologist to see if we can determine why Finley developed IUGR. Dr. Brickler said I had a skinny cord, a skinny placenta and a skinny baby. Maybe she'll just be a petite little lady!

Sean and I have definitely felt your prayers and support. A very scary thing has turned into an exciting and happy time in our lives. We can't wait to get her home and be a family.

Photo Blog!

2009-12-24T18:24:00.001-08:00

Another Update

2009-12-18T11:45:00.000-08:00

I reread my post from yesterday and realized it was kind of mangled. It was a crazy day, so I guess that's to be expected. Here's a summary of everything that's going on.

1. Finley has IUGR (Intrauterine Growth Restriction), which is a general diagnosis for small babies. This diagnosis doesn't explain why she's small, but rather just describes a set of symptoms that she meets.

2. Because her growth has been normal up until now, the most likely cause of her IUGR is a problem with the placenta. It could be small clots in the placenta or it could be that the placenta is too small to support a third trimester fetus (it could support her when she was smaller and had smaller nutritional needs, but now she requires more). We won't know what's wrong with the placenta until I deliver and the docs can take a look at it. Also, there is still the small risk that there is something wrong with Finley that is making her small, but that risk is very small and the doctors haven't really brought it up as an option.

3. Other than her small size, everything else looks completely normal, which is reassuring (and I think why they decided not to induce me yesterday). I have had two non-stress tests and both of those have been fine. Her heart rate and activity level are normal, which generally means she is not under any stress. I will have these tests twice a week from now on. Her doppler blood flow studies are also normal. She is getting limited blood flow and nutrients, but her body is making sure that the important parts (her organs) are getting the majority of the nutrients and oxygen. I will have doppler blood flow studies once a week from now on. If these studies show a change in blood flow or if she shows any signs of fetal distress they will induce my labor or perform a c-section immediately. She has always been an active baby, and she continues to be active, so that is reassuring. The doctor wants me to do fetal kick counts a couple of times a day and go to Triage if I notice a decrease in activity. So far she's letting me know she's ok by kicking me all the time.

4. I received two doses of a steroid called Betamethasone. This steroid will mature her lungs quickly so that if she is born early her adjustment to breathing outside the womb will be much easier.

5. At this point we are just waiting to see what happens. I don't have any activity or diet restrictions, so I will be working this weekend just like normal. Obviously I'll try my best to take it easy and sit as often as I can. And if I have any problems Triage and Labor and Delivery are a short walk across the hospital.

So hopefully that update was easier to understand than yesterday. I'm still a little bit in shock and I'm trying very hard to not think of worst case scenario. Being a nurse is sometimes a burden because I know just enough to worry myself sick. Our friends and family have been extremely supportive and Sean and I definitely feel loved. We've had to turn down offers to help left and right. It's been a blessing to see how God works through difficult circumstances and I know that He is in control of all of this. I just need to relax and let Him work.

We'll try our best to keep you guys updated and let you know if anything changes.

An Eventful Day at the Hospital

2009-12-17T16:10:00.000-08:00

It's been a heck of a day folks. This morning I went for a routine prenatal visit. They took my vital signs, weighed me, I left a urine sample...all the usual stuff. Because Finley measured small at the last visit Dr Brickler ordered another fetal weight measurement. I was hoping all the hunger I've been having these past couple of weeks meant that Finley was going through a growth spurt and was going to be bigger. Unfortunately she has not gained any weight since my last visit, which now puts her at only 7% on the growth chart (last visit she was 37%).The official name for this is IntraUterine Growth Retardation (or Restriction). Her current weight is right around 3 pounds. After the ultrasound I met with Dr. Brickler. He took one look at her measurements, said "Oh Man" and then looked at me and said he was sending me to a Maternal-Fetal Specialist immediately and then I would need to go to triage to receive steroids and have a Non-Stress Test. As soon as he said steroids I started crying. You give women steroids to mature the babies lungs when birth is imminent, and all I could think about was only being 33 weeks Finley having to stay in the NICU for weeks and all the potential long term effects of being a pre-term baby. Dr. Brickler told me it was very possible that they would induce my labor that afternoon. Obviously all of this was a huge shock and very scary.

I left Dr. Brickler's office and immediately went to see the specialist, Dr. Hume. They repeated the ultrasound and confirmed her size (they actually measured her as smaller than the ultrasound tech at Dr. Brickler's office). Because they specialize in high-risk pregnancies they were also able to do studies to measure the blood flow in her umbilical cord and blood flow to the heart and brain. For Finley, all of these studies were normal. She is basically shunting all of her blood flow, and the nutrients in it, to her heart and brain (which is a good thing, her body is protecting the vital organs first). Because of this the doctor decided not to deliver today. As of right now they are saying that there is something wrong with the placenta that is preventing her from getting adequate blood flow for growth. There is a very good chance that we will never know why this happened or if it will happen again with future pregnancies. From this point on I will see Dr. Hume once a week, Dr. Brickler once a week, and I will have non stress tests (they place the baby on the monitor and watch for contractions and monitor her heart rate and movement) twice a week. As soon as it looks like she is not doing well or her blood flow is in any way compromised they will deliver immediately. And, more than likely it will be a c-section to prevent placing undue stress on the baby during delivery. Dr. Hume said today that the target is 34 weeks, and that after 34 weeks the risk to the baby is higher in the womb than it is out of the womb. That's next week! So, the Cooks may be having a Christmas baby. Sean, the eternal optimist, has already planned to celebrate her birthday in July if she is born on Christmas. That way her birthday isn't lost in the craziness of the holidays.

I'm still trying to let all of this information sink in. My mind keeps racing with things we need to do to get ready. Should we put the car seat in the car? Do I need to go buy diapers? If she's born next week how long will she stay in the NICU? Where do I buy clothes to fit preemies? I take care of lots of sick children at work, many of whom were born early and have lingering health effects from not being term. I am more concerned about her being early than I am about her small size. Once she's born and is able to eat she will gain weight quickly and hopefully all will be well. I don't have any experience with the steroid they gave me today, but the intended effect will be to mature her lungs quickly so that she will do okay outside of the womb. I'm assuming the two doses they are giving me are sufficient enough. I also have a lot of confidence in the NICU staff and the neonatologists at TMH.

So it's been quite a day. I am ok and then I'm not and then I'm ok again. Back and forth all day. I feel helpless, like I should be doing something to make sure she's ok. My next ultrasound is on Wednesday, but I want one before then! Being small is one thing, but not having adequate blood flow to her brain or heart is a whole different set of problems. I just want our baby girl to be healthy, so it's going to be a long week waiting for the next ultrasound. Maybe work this weekend will be a good distraction.

Sean and I opened presents today, mainly as something fun to do, but also in case we are having a baby next week. We might be having Christmas at TMH. We both got each other watches. I swear sometimes we are the same person.

That's all I can think of at this point. It's been a long, scary day. I'll do my best to keep everyone updated and let you know if anything changes.

I Should've Ordered Two!

2009-12-14T15:06:00.001-08:00

Well, it took 33 weeks, but my pregnancy hunger has kicked in with full force. I've always been the type of person who eats every couple of hours and could always use a snack. What can I say? I love food! Those same eating habits followed me into this pregnancy and I find myself eating frequently and constantly snacking on something. However, the past few days I've noticed that my hunger has increased dramatically. It's out of control. I go from being fine to being ravenously hungry instantly. There is no in-between. I have found that I will sit down to eat a meal, eat every last bite, and feel like I could eat more. I should've ordered two. Two burgers, two sausage biscuits, two sandwiches, two whatever. I want more! So far I have showed self- control and not ordered two of anything (except for that one morning ) but I can feel myself getting weaker by the day. I'm trying hard not to give in to the "eating for two" school of thought but sometimes I feel like my hunger is strong enough for two! Luckily I only have 7 more weeks to go and maybe I'll be able to keep my weight gain within healthy parameters.

Not much else is going on in Finley's world. She's working hard at growing and establishing that very important brown fat layer, and she likes to make her presence known just as I lay down to sleep. Sometimes those kicks and jabs hurt! I don't mind them though, I don't think a mom could ever get tired of feeling her little baby moving around.

Alright, time to go eat!

2009-12-10T09:55:00.000-08:00

There's something about being pregnant that causes you to lose all of your personal space. As the weeks go by and I get bigger and bigger I've started to notice stares and second glances from people everywhere I go. Yesterday I walked into Best Buy and the greeter at the front said hello and then proceeded to give me a complete once over, head to toe, before looking at me in the face again. Have you never seen a pregnant woman? Is it like seeing a rare, endangered species? Sometimes people look at me and smile, especially other moms with young children, but for the most part I feel like I'm on display for people to gawk at. People also assume that I am willing to hold conversations with them and give them details about my life. I expect the usual "When are you due?" or "Do you know what you're having?" questions, but some people take that way too far. The cashier at Publix a few weeks ago started asking if I was excited and then asked if my husband was ready to be a dad. Is that something you ask a complete stranger? With a line full of people behind her? And the cashier at Publix today started talking to my belly as though Finley could answer her back. She asked if her mother had been feeding her enough! What was I supposed to say? How do you respond to that. Nod your head and smile? Hopefully that was right, because that's what I did. I know I'm not the only pregnant woman this has happened to, but I tend to be a quiet, private person, so conversations with complete strangers aren't very fun to me. I don't know what I'm going to do when people come up to Finley after she's born.

For most of this pregnancy I've claimed that I haven't had any food cravings. No pickles and ice cream for me. Every now and then if I see a commercial for something or smell something then I'll want it right then, but for the most part I've been craving free. However, if you ask Sean if I'm having cravings, he'll be quick to say that I crave turkey sandwiches. It wasn't until today that I realized he's right. Turkey sandwiches from Jimmy Johns are my official pregnancy craving. I could eat it every day. And when I do eat it, it is the best flavor combination of food ever. The bread is perfect, the mayonnaise is perfect, the tomatoes are perfect. It's all perfect. I want it every.single.day. The only thing keeping me from eating it everyday is the cost and the fact that Sean doesn't really care for it. Otherwise, Finley would come out looking like a turkey sandwich.

Unfortunately, my first trimester fatigue has returned and it is making me completely useless. Most days of the week I fall asleep mid afternoon, wake up for a few hours to eat or watch a little tv, and fall back asleep on the couch around 8:30 or 9:00. I feel horrible about not being productive around the house or doing more to prepare for Finley. Poor Sean is married to a sleeping wife. I see women on the baby television shows that have scrapbooked their entire pregnancy or made quilts or painted murals on the nursery walls. How did they do all that? Part of me thinks that as long as I have a good supply of diapers, blankets and clothes that Finley and I will be just fine. All that other stuff is just extra, right? I have a feeling I have no idea what's coming to me in February.

Here's a 32 week picture. I still wonder how my belly is going to get bigger. At this point Finley should be gaining half a pound a week! Geesh.

31 weeks

2009-11-27T06:04:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been a long time since I've updated, but life and holidays and sickness gets in the way. I can't believe that I'm 31 weeks and that Finley will be here is only 9 weeks. And I'm hoping that it's only 9 more weeks, and not longer. I know my chances of delivering on or before my due date are slim, but I don't like the idea of going past my due date or being induced. I had a check up yesterday and everything still looks great. After the doctor measured my uterus I mention that I felt like my belly isn't getting any bigger. He said that my uterus was on the smaller side and said it could just be that this is my first baby and my abdominal muscles aren't used to being stretched. He said that in his 28 years as and OB he has learned to trust a woman's maternal instinct and he decided to do an ultrasound just to make sure. He took measurements of her head, femur and belly and then the computer estimates a weight and places her growth on a chart. Her head is in the 81st percentile (maybe she'll be a braniac!) but her overall size is only in the 37th percentile. So, she's on the small side, but the doctor isn't concerned at all. Maybe she'll stay that way and I won't have a 9 pound baby!! I joke about it all the time, but I really am scared that I'll have a huge baby. Everything else looked great, and you could see her little lungs moving in and out with each little breath she was taking. So neat!

Sean and I traveled to Albany for Thanksgiving with my mom's family. And, because of my work schedule, we also had a small baby shower. We got lots of great stuff and lots of cute clothes. I still get a bit of anxiety when I think about all the things we still need, but I know it will be taken care of. The lovely ladies I work with are throwing a shower after the holidays and Sean's family will throw us a shower after Finley get's here. A baby shower with the baby already here...how fun!! I started putting Finley's room together, which helped me feel a ton better about everything. Before now, everything was in a giant pile in the middle of the floor. After our shower I washed and folded all of her clothes and blankets and started putting everything away. I know I'll have to do that several more times before she gets here, but it made me feel better knowing that I had at least started the whole process.

From this point on I'll go to the doctor every two weeks. I'm not sure if the appointments will be any different, but hopefully I'll have some ultrasounds in the near future. There's nothing like seeing our baby girl breathing and moving around in there. Her head is already down, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she'll stay that way and we won't have to worry about her being breech.

Here's a picture from 30 weeks. I had every intention of blogging last week, but never got around to it. (see my cheese toast cooking in the background?!)

And here is a picture from this week.

28 weeks, The Third Trimester Begins!

2009-11-12T17:09:00.000-08:00

Well, I've finally made it to the third trimester, and I am definitely feeling the effects of this pregnancy. So far I've been relatively symptom free, but lately I feel like I'm getting more and more pregnant by the minute. The energy I felt in my second trimester is long gone, along with my ability to take a deep breath, go more than 30 minutes without using the bathroom or sleep through the night. At my 26 week appointment I had gained 20 pounds, so I have to remind myself that I am carrying around an extra twenty pounds ( probably more like 22 at this point) and I need to take it easy. It's no wonder my feet hurt! And oh do my feet hurt!! On nights that I've worked I wake up the next day with throbbing feet. I've also been getting several charlie horses a day as well (isn't that what they're called?). Luckily they go away with a little stretching, but it's not a fun way to wake up. I'm trying my best to stay hydrated with lots and lots of water, but that means I'm up three and four times a night using the bathroom. After the second or third time I get up I can't go back to sleep. It's been kind of brutal laying awake at night, especially since I need to lay on my left side and can't ever seem to get comfortable. 12 more weeks, right?!

I am very quickly realizing that Finley will be here before we know it. The holidays are right around the corner and that time of year always seems to fly by. And then Finley will be here right after the new year. I waited too long to register for birthing classes and there aren't any available for Sean and I to take. I feel pretty comfortable with all the medical aspects of birth, but I am the kind of person that likes to be overly prepared for things I've never done before. Generally, the more information I have the less anxiety I have. To make up for missing classes I've purchased a couple of books on childbirth and breastfeeding. Interestingly enough, the more I read the books, the more nervous I am getting! I think the main thing is I don't like being a patient. I'm used to being the one in control of a hospital room, not the one who needs taking care of. And from what I've read so far, I think the post partum aspect of birth is more worrisome than the actual birthing process. Read: Tears, stitches, hemorrhoids, cramping, engorgement, soreness. And lately I've started to feel like I would be disappointed if I have to have a c-section. I know in the end I won't care how she makes her appearance, but I would like to keep my delivery options open for future children ( I don't think I would be comfortable with the risks of doing a VBAC [vaginal birth after c-section]).

Finley is big enough now that her once cute kicks and jabs are now painful kicks and jabs. And she seems to have an affinity for resting some part of her body right on my rib. It's not a swift kick, but rather a long painful push. I'll be sure to remind her of that when she's older. She's also big enough now that I randomly catch my stomach moving out of the corner of my eye, which is always pretty amusing to me. The scary thing is that she will at least double in size between now and February. How will it all fit? I can't imagine my belly getting any bigger!

Here's my 28 week shot. I finally broke down and bought a few real maternity shirts with my birthday money.

And here is my amazing birthday present from Sean. It's a pendant that has Finley's name on it (photobooth makes the image backwards) and in the middle is a small bird on a branch. I absolutely love it. I figure she can wear it once she's old enough.

26 weeks Check-Up

2009-10-29T06:25:00.000-07:00

I had my 26 week appointment this morning and everything looks great. Thankfully I passed my glucose challenge test so I don't have to worry about diabetes or insulin shots or watching what I eat. I feel very blessed. I've gained 20 pounds (yikes!) which is right on track, my uterus is measuring at exactly 26 weeks, and Finley's heart rate is still right where it needs to be. As Dr. Brickler was listening to the heart beat he asked if I was feeling the baby move. Just as I said "All the time" she kicked him! That girl has attitude already. She stills stops moving when Sean tries to feel her kick. Hopefully he'll still have that affect on her after she's born and he'll be able to calm her down when he holds her.

A few times now I've noticed that my heart rate will speed up for about 10 beats and then go back to normal. I mentioned it to Dr. Brickler and he thinks it could be a condition called Supra Ventricular Tachycardia. Basically that's a long, scary term for a fast heart beat. It's a condition that can be somewhat common in pregnant women and most of the time it won't cause any symptoms or adverse effects. But, because I am still drinking a moderate amount of caffeine he wants me to cut out caffeine for a few days and see if it still occurs. If it stops, then problem solved and no big deal (caffeine can exacerbate SVT in women who are predisposed to it). If I continue to have episodes he wants me to see a cardiologist. Again, not a big deal but something we would need to watch more closely. If it becomes a problem there are simple things I can do to slow my heart beat down. Performing a vagal maneuver (holding my breath and bearing down, splashing ice water on my face, putting pressure on my carotid artery) will most likely correct it. In rare cases I might need to take a medication to keep it under control. For now, no more Diet Coke!

26 Weeks, Glucose Challenge Test and H1N1

2009-10-28T11:10:00.000-07:00

Only 14 more weeks to go! It sounds a little crazy when put that way. There's a lot to do in 14 weeks!

I will go for my 26 weeks appointment tomorrow and learn the results of my Glucose Challenge Test ( a test that checks for gestational diabetes). Hopefully I will pass the GCT with flying colors and not have to take insulin the rest of this pregnancy. I had heard horror stories about how bad the test would be and how the juice I had to drink would make me sick. That may have been true for some of you ladies, but I didn't think it was bad at all. The worst part was about 2 hours after the test my blood sugar completely crashed and I felt like I was going to pass out if I didn't eat right away. That part wasn't fun at all. The same day that I did my GCT I went to the health department to get the H1N1 vaccine. I showed up ten minutes before they opened and the line was already out the door. The whole process took about an hour, including the 15 minutes they made me wait after I had received the shot to make sure I wouldn't have an allergic reaction. I'm very thankful to have that out of the way, and I am not nearly as worried or paranoid at work now. Plus, by going to the health department instead of waiting to get the shot at work I was able to receive a special preservative free shot only used on pregnant women. Like I said, I'm very thankful.

I've had a lot of free time lately now that my work schedule has changed. I've been able to get a lot of things done around the house and be fairly productive. I've started to feel guilty on days that I don't have anything to do. I am trying to let myself relax and enjoy those days, because soon they will be filled with feedings and diaper changes and doctors visits. Finley will be here before we know it! This week she weighs about 1 and 2/3 pounds and is about 14 inches long. She's getting so big! And she is still very active. I feel her moving all the time and I'm fairly certain she's doing complete flips in there. I don't have a scale at the house, so I'll be interested to see how much weight I've gained at the doctors tomorrow.

So far I'm still feeling pretty good. I've noticed that I've started to need more sleep and I've been taking naps in the afternoon again. I've also noticed that my backs hurts fairly often. It's not horrible pain, just kind of a dull, annoying ache. And toward the end of my shift I am absolutely uncomfortable. My feet and legs ache, my belly aches and everything itches. Crawling into bed in the morning is the best feeling in the world. Thankfully I still don't have the dreaded heartburn that everyone has told me about, but I keep waiting for it to make it's appearance.

Here's my big 'ol belly:

Picture Blog!

2009-10-20T09:29:00.000-07:00

This weekend Sean and I finally got around to painting the fun birds I was telling you about. Picture Blog!!

Here are the birds before. We liked the birds, but didn't like the idea of black in Finley's room.

So my trusty resident spray painter changed the color!

Installation in process:
And the final product:

We love it! And hopefully Fin loves it too.

24 Weeks and Lots of Catching Up to Do.

2009-10-14T13:38:00.000-07:00

Sorry for being away for so long, but life is busy!! Sean and I have had a lot going on the past few weeks, so I never made it in front of a computer to blog about it all. Today marks 24 weeks for me and Finley. And that girl is making her presence known. I can feel her rolling around and kicking all the time. Those little flutters I felt several weeks ago are now very defined movements. If I lay still while she's moving you can see my belly moving also. And it's amazing to watch her little kicks! I think I might try to capture it on video once she's a little bigger. I'm not sure how well it would show up on video at this point. Sean can see it, and feel it too, so that has been exciting for him as well. Although, we have learned that the times we want her to move so we can feel her are the times she wants to be shy and be completely still. She's stubborn already. Wonder where she got that from? :) Here's a belly shot:

On October 3rd Sean and I celebrated our first anniversary. It seems like it's been longer than a year, but in a good way. We headed to Atlanta for the weekend and hit all the tourist spots. And of course we went to Ikea. I tried to take it easy all weekend but my feet ached at the end of every day. That's pretty much the only complaint I have these days, that my feet hurt a lot. And I'm pretty sure they've grown about a half size. Excuse to buy new shoes? Some nights they start to hurt even before my shift is over, and they still hurt when I wake up later in the afternoon. I guess things could be worse, and I'm trying to keep things in perspective with this pregnancy. It has definitely been smooth sailing so far. Here's a shot of us being silly at Zoo Atlanta. (No giraffes were harmed in the making of this picture)

All of my doctors appointments have been routine and everything seems to be moving right along. Finley is right in the middle of the growth charts and I'm assuming my weight gain has been ok (they haven't told me to cut back on the cheeseburgers and ho ho's). I don't have a scale at home, so I try to weigh myself once a week or so at work. I go next week for my Glucose Challenge Test to see if I am developing gestational diabetes. It would not be a good thing to have, but luckily if I do get it the cure for it is child birth. As soon as I have the baby it goes away. It'll just mean insulin shots and a strict diet from here on out. And it increases my chances of having a BIG baby (read: difficult labor). So I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Recently I moved to weekend shift on the floor so that when Finley arrives we don't have to use day care. It'll be an adjustment at work, but it means I can stay home with her during the week and Sean can stay home with her on the weekend. That's our current goal and hopefully things will actually work out that way. I'm not against day care at all, but it'll be nice to have Finley at home with us and to not have an extra bill to take care of. And if any of you would like to baby sit let us know!

Ok, I think that's it. Sean and I found some neat birds to put on Finley's wall so we'll post pictures of that as soon as we actually get around to doing it. Things seem to just happen when they happen these days.

Pictures!!

2009-09-23T04:27:00.001-07:00

21 Weeks, Decorating the Nursery and Registering for Goodies.

2009-09-22T23:58:00.000-07:00

Today marks 21 weeks, so I'm over the hump. It's all downhill from here, right? Hmm. Not likely. I'm feeling pretty good these days. My 12 hours shifts are getting harder and harder and lately I feel rounder and rounder. The few non maternity shirts I had that still fit are getting tighter and shorter and I'm just plain tired of wearing the same two pairs of maternity jeans over and over again. I think it's silly to spend money on a whole new wardrobe but I will have to give in soon and buy a few more things. Hopefully once the weather changes I can continue wearing the few shirts I have bought and just throw on a cardigan or light jacket. Maybe I'll be so big by then that I won't be cold! The doctors office is always freezing to accomodate for those mammas that are about to pop.

This past weekend Sean and I painted Fin's room a light green. I instantly loved the color on the walls and the way it made her white furniture pop in the room. The bedding we registered for is pink and brown and I think the three colors will look nice together. I haven't really thought about what else to put in the room. I would love to hang some of Sean's black and white photographs and we've even talked about painting a brown stripe in the room just to give it some visual interest. Well, I've talked about it. Sean just looks at me quietly so I'm not sure he's too keen on t he idea. Sometimes it's hard to get motivated about decorating or shopping for Finley because the due date seems so far away. She'll be here before we know it and I need to get on the ball! I think once I start weekend shifts at the hospital decorating her room will be an easy way to fill my time off during the week.

Next week Sean and I are headed to Atlanta for our anniversary. I can't believe it's been a year already. It'll also be our last chance to get away as a couple before Finley arrives. I hear the aquarium and the zoo have plenty of places for me to sit and rest, so hopefully I'll keep the waddling to a minimum. And we're going to a Braves game! I'm super excited about that. I went once in middle school and had a ton of fun, but we were in the nosebleed section and it was HOT. Sean got us great seats (although I can't remember exactly where right now, pregnancy brain at it's finest), and it's one of the last games of the season so the weather should be nice. I'll save my one-a-day diet coke to go with my super yummy stadium hot dog.

We registered at Target last weekend and came through the experience mostly unscathed. I got a little overwhelmed because I felt like I had no idea what we needed. I am very comfortable taking care of children at the hospital, and I know exactly how I like my rooms stocked. Having a baby at home is going to be completely different. Eeek! I felt lost going up and down all those aisles trying to figure out what pacifier to use, what bottle will work best, how many onesies I will need and if I registered for the right breast pump. And then I got overwhelmed thinking that other people would be spending money on this stuff. If Sean wasn't there I would have just registered for the cheapest brand of everything. I still want to have a mamma take a peek at my registry and tell me what I need to change. I can't imagine going through this without the advice and input of other mammas. And it was so hard to not go ahead and buy all of it myself. Especially the clothes, they are so cute!

I'll post pictures soon...I'm bloggin from work!

20 Down, 20 To Go

2009-09-16T17:15:00.000-07:00

I can't believe this pregnancy is half way over with! In some ways it seems like we just found out we are pregnant, and in other ways I feel like I've been pregnant forever. We bought paint tonight to start decorating Finley's room. Sean and I weren't real big on having a pink room, so we went with a pastel green, and we'll throw in some pink and brown accents. We might even paint a stripe or two around the room. I only have a few more weeks until I start weekend shift, so we're trying to knock out some of the major stuff before Sean goes back to being a bachelor on the weekends. We'd also like to get our room painted before Finley arrives, but we'll see if it actually happens.

Today the woman helping us at Lowes asked me when I was due. She was the first stranger to say anything to me about being pregnant. I've noticed people looking at me more, especially women, but I bet they were just trying to decide if I was pregnant or just fat. Hopefully now I'm looking more on the pregnant side and less on the "I'm a regular at the all you can eat buffet" side.

I'm Going to Write a Book and Other Musings

2009-09-15T20:49:00.000-07:00

I think I'd like to write a book about pregnancy entitled, "You're Not Dying, You're Pregnant". I can't tell you how many times I've had mini panic attacks worried that I have contracted some mysterious illness or life threatening disease that will put me in the hospital for weeks. After a couple of hours (or sometimes a couple of days) I will realize my insanity and think to myself "I'm not dying, I'm pregnant". Before I became pregnant I thought all your symptoms and miscomforts were centralized in your belly. In these five months that I've been pregnant, I've slowly realized that Finley has taken over not just my belly, but my entire body. I wake up with weird rashes that are gone in a few hours, I can't remember anything, my back hurts if I don't sit or lay just right, I burp ALL THE TIME and on and on. I am constantly on Google looking up symptoms and looking at message boards for that one woman who had the same ailment as me and her doctor told her it was normal. Apparently everything is normal.

I'm also very concerned about the flu this year, particularly H1N1. Pregnant women are at the top of the "high risk" list. And everything I've read says the vaccine won't be available until mid October at the earliest. Several nurses at work have already been at home sick with it, and we constantly have sick kids at the hospital that are flu positive. I've been washing my hands like crazy, and I even bought hand sanitizer the other day. And now I'm the crazy lady at Publix that wipes down her grocery cart with the antibacterial wipes. I've never been a germaphobe, but I'm terrified of this stupid flu bug. It's nasty this year, and I don't even want to think about the complications I could get from it. I pray all the time for God's protection against it and keep my fingers crossed that the hospital will actually have the vaccine once the government releases it. And don't even get me started on the fact that Finley will be born in February, at the height of RSV, flu and pneumonia season. Geesh. Don't get mad at me if I ask you to wash your hands. Frequently.

19 Week Pictures. Time for New Scrubs.

2009-09-10T05:11:00.000-07:00

Welp. My scrubs are getting tighter by the day. Some tops are bigger than others, but my options are already starting to dwindle. Scrubs are expensive (20-30 bucks for a top) so I can't go out and buy a whole new work wardrobe. I only work three days a week, so if I buy three sets I should be good. When my belly is a lot bigger I may just wear t-shirts with my scrub pants and wear a lab coat over that. I should be able to get away with that, right? Here are two pictures, one with a scrub top and one with a normal shirt. My scrubs aren't baggy anymore!!

Happy Birthday Sean!!

2009-09-07T18:16:00.000-07:00

25 was a big year for Sean. He got married, bought a house, graduated from college and we got pregnant. Lots of life changes!! Hopefully 26 will be just as fun. Sean has been watching a Band of Brothers marathon all day with his friends, but we took a break for a yummy dinner at Carrabba's.

Round Ligament Pain, Ugh.

2009-09-05T12:15:00.001-07:00

So far this pregnancy has been mostly a breeze. I feel extremely blessed to not have had horrible morning sickness or heart burn or any of those lame pregnancy symptoms that can make pregnancy not fun at all. The worst of it so far has been my extreme fatigue, but even that has improved dramatically now that I'm in my second trimester. Unfortunately, now that my belly is starting to grow a bit I find myself more and more uncomfortable. And this weekend I have discovered a wonderful thing called round ligament pain.

The round ligament is a thick ligament that normally suspends the uterus in the abdomen. As my uterus grows these ligaments have to lengthen and thin out to accommodate my big belly. All of this stretching and growing hurts, and it hurts bad. I had a very strenuous shift at work the other night and was constantly on my feet. And then Friday we had house guests so there were groceries to buy and a house to clean. By the end of the night my belly was sore, and getting out of bed this morning sent shooting pains across my belly. Basically, my body is ticked that I haven't taken it easy the past few days. All of this is normal, so need to sound the alarm. I guess this is my body's way of telling me to chill out for a bit. Work has been slammed lately with tons of sick children, so we'll see how that goes. Maybe can I use it as an excuse to be a complete bum around the house. Probably not, huh?

18 week ultrasound. It's a Girl!!

2009-09-05T07:53:00.000-07:00

Alright friends. Sorry about the delay, but 12 hour shifts and out of town friends definitely got in the way of a timely blog this week.

On Thursday morning Sean and I went in for our 18 week appointment and ultrasound. The doctor said everything looks great! Baby Cook is now 5 inches long and weighs about 7 ounces, and she was moving all over the place. In fact, she was moving so much that I will need to have another ultrasound at my next appointment to check on a few body parts that the ultrasound tech could not visualize this time. However, we were able to clearly see both of her arms and legs, the spine, heart, bladder, kidneys, stomach and her face. All of her measurements were right on track with her gestational age and there were no deformities seen. So far so good!

And of course we found out that Baby Cook is a girl!!! Bring on the pink! We have decided on the name Finley Harper Cook. I am so glad to finally be able to say her and she and call her by her name instead of "it" and Baby Cook. Hopefully she won't be one of four Finleys in her classes or at work. There are 13 nurses on my unit, and three of us have the name Magan (Megan). And after some of the ridiculous names of children I see at work I'm happy to say that Finley is both easy to say and easy to spell. That will get her far in life for sure.

In other exciting baby news, we bought nursery furniture this week. We hadn't planned on buying furniture so soon, but Sean found an amazing deal on Craigslist this week. We bought a crib, a changing table and a side table all for less than the price we would pay for just a new crib alone. Yay for bargains! The crib will convert to a day bed and then to a full sized headboard as the baby grows. And now that we have furniture in the room I am dying to paint the walls and look for bedding. I was never a girly girl, so it'll be interesting to see what kinds of things I pick out for my little girl. I can't imagine having anything too pink or too "princess" for her. Maybe I can find something with fun stripes and polka dots.

This bedding came with the furniture, but we aren't going to use it.

Things are moving right along! I can't believe this pregnancy is almost half way over. Baby Finley will be here before we know it.

18 1/2 week photo

2009-09-04T15:37:00.001-07:00

Oh Happy Day!!!

2009-09-03T06:25:00.000-07:00

Baby Cook is a Girl!!!!! We are so stinking excited!

I worked all night, and I have to work again tonight, so I MUST go get in bed and try to sleep. I promise an in depth post later. And pictures!! And I'll reveal the baby name!

Goodnight!

Camera Fun

2009-08-29T19:25:00.000-07:00

We got our new camera this week!! I am terribly afraid of being in front of a camera but Sean caught me in a rare mood (and eating my dinner) and snagged this video of the two of us on my new (amazing!) camera. It's silly, but hey, so are we. Maybe by the time Baby Cook gets here my fear of cameras will be a thing of the past.

Thursday is the big day! I have an appointment at 8:00 am to find out if Baby Cook is a boy or girl. I'll be sure to post a blog and reveal the sex and the baby names we've picked. Exciting times!! And since I'll be 18 weeks on Wednedsay I'll post some belly pictures also. Things are moving right along!

New Camera, Baby Movement and Dying to Find Out!

2009-08-24T12:21:00.000-07:00

Ok people. I'm ready to find out what this thing growing inside of me is. Most of the time Sean and I refer to the baby as Baby Cook or Baby C so that we don't have to say "it". I'm ready to call the baby by his or her name! Plus there are outfits to buy and a nursery to design and blogs to write! My next doctors appointment is September 3rd. They'll do an ultrasound to check the baby out and take measurements to make sure Baby Cook is growing the way he or she is supposed to. Hopefully, the baby will cooperate and give us a good view to find out if we're having a boy or a girl. I might just stash some diet coke in my bag and take a few swigs to get some caffeine in my system and get the baby to wiggle around. I'm dying to know!!

This week we bought a camera to help me document the adventures of Baby Cook. Sean helped me pick out a camera that incorporated features that I wanted, but that was still photographer approved. The last time I bought a camera was the Christmas after I graduated high school (7 years ago!). And, because I get upset over silly things I came home from the store and cried because I spent all of my Christmas money on one thing. My dad convinced me to keep it, but I haven't bought another camera since. Of course Sean has several cameras, but I couldn't even attempt to use them because they are complicated and fancy (and I would be scared I would break them). I wanted a camera that I could call my own, and that I could use to take pictures of the baby when Sean was away at work. Plus I am going to try my hardest to take lots and lots of pictures of the baby and our new family. I have very few pictures of myself, so I want to make sure that Baby Cook will have boxes and boxes of pictures to look through when he or she is older.

In other baby news, I had blood work this morning to check for some of the most common birth defects like spina bifida and downs syndrome. Becuase of my age and health, the baby is at very little risk to have these genetic conditions. This test came highly recommended by my doctor and is a simple blood test, so I went ahead and had it done. Also, I think I may have started feeling the baby move this week. I can't say for sure it's the baby becuase it's a feeling I've never felt before and I have nothing to compare it to. It's similar to hunger pains, but lighter, almost like a flutter or a tickle. I notice it the most right after I eat and early in the morning. I also felt it the other night when Sean was playing drums at a show. I like to think that the baby heard the drums and was giving his or her approval. The baby's weight will increase six times over in the next four weeks, so hopefully those flutters will turn into definite movement soon. I'm sure you'll see a blog in the near future with me complaining about the baby jabbing me in the ribs or kicking my bladder. Ha!

16 week picture

2009-08-20T08:33:00.000-07:00

I promise I'm not poking my stomach out. Although, I did just eat breakfast. And sorry about the bad picture. This was at the end of a twelve hour shift. Vanity is not an option when you've been at work that long. And for all my friends at work, this is what my baggy scrub tops have been hiding!

Slow and Wide.

2009-08-19T04:55:00.000-07:00

I've got the pregnancy walk down. Yes, I know my belly isn't big enough for a pregnancy walk yet, but I catch myself doing it all the time. Maybe it has less to do with the size of my belly and more to do with my hips spreading and my center of gravity changing. Whatever it is, it seems to be my natural walk lately. It's especially bad toward the end of my 12 hour shifts. My walk slows down considerably and my steps gradually get wider and wider. I'm sure it feels more exagerated than it actually is, but still. I can't walk like that for the next 24 weeks! At this rate you might as well tip me over and roll me anywhere you need me to be.

A new pregnancy symptom has popped up, and I think it's a sign of things to come. For about a week now I've been waking up in the mornings incredibly uncomfortable and stiff. My back feels the worst, and my belly is a close second. I've also noticed that my back hurts quite a bit after doing some routine things at work. Little things that I do all the time, like starting IVs or drawing blood can have my back hurting for hours. Starting this week I have to sleep on my left side. Belly and back sleeping are out, and lying on the left will give the baby the best blood flow possible. A few weeks back I bought a body pillow at the recommendation of several people who have "been there, done that" but I have yet to put it to consistent use. I think that may change in the next few days. Something's gotta give! I can't imagine how it's going to be when Baby Cook weighs pounds instead of just ounces. Also, we need a king size bed. Just saying.

Another thing I've noticed is an increase in the amount and clarity of my dreams. I dream every night, all night (at least it seems like all night). My dreams are always very easy to remember and most of the time make perfect sense. Mostly they seem like short movie clips of something that could easily happen in my life rather than a mix of people and events that don't go together. I'm not sure if this is an official pregnancy symptom or not and I can't think of a physiological reason why I would dream more during pregnancy. I guess my poor brain needs to defrag from all the pregnancy related thinking I do during the day.

My fatigue has eased up quite a bit, much to the relief of those around me. I can even make it through the day without a nap (sometimes). But, those days I usually fall asleep on the couch around 9:00. And other than getting up to use the restroom, I am sleeping through the night. Getting a good nights sleep has been such a blessing. I'm still working on sleeping well during the day, but I've been working on that for the two years I've been on nights. No luck with that yet.

16 week pictures are coming soon!

14 Week Ultrasound...1 1/2 weeks later.

2009-08-15T13:45:00.001-07:00

Ed McMahon and Wedding Slide Shows

2009-08-12T04:26:00.000-07:00

I have never been an overly emotional person. Sure, I'll cry at heartbreaking stuff and I laugh out loud at crazy stuff my husband does, but generally I lean more toward the stoic side of life. I've often thought of how I'd react if I won the lottery or if Ed McMahon showed up at my door with a check for millions and millions of dollars. I'd be excited, but I definitely wouldn't jump and down and scream like a crazy woman. Now that I'm pregnant, I feel like that might be easier said than done. I've made it through fifteen weeks of this pregnancy without crying. I've felt like crying, and gotten a little misty around the eyes (especially when watching TLC's "A Baby Story"), but I have yet to break down and cry like all those pregnant women say they cry. I totally expected to cry the day we heard Baby Cook's heartbeat for the first time. Nothing! Not even a drop! I'm failing miserably at being an emotional pregnant woman!

Well, all of that changed this past weekend when Sean and I went to the wedding of one his high school buddies. I have met the groom twice and I've met his fiance once. We don't email, we don't facebook, I don't have their numbers in my phone. I hardly know them. Their wedding was big and beautiful and had lots of songs and prayer and bridesmaides (eight!). The couple opened their wedding with a slideshow and a song (when did that become so popular?). Out of nowhere, and I mean nowhere, I felt the beginnings of a tear in my eye. What?! I don't know these people! I have no attachment to them or relationship with them! I was instantly embarassed that I was crying at a wedding, especially a wedding where the only people I knew were my in-laws sitting next to me and a couple of the groomsmen and their wives. But then I was just as quickly overcome with thoughts that would make the single, lonely tear turn into full on crying. I thought about how amazing it is when God brings two people together. I thought about how much I love my husband. I thought about how amazing and scary and exciting and crazy it is that we will bring a child into the world. I thought about my own wedding and how it seems as if it was eon's ago. And the tears came. Not big boohoo tears. Just very quiet, streaming tears. And And even though this wasn't a "eyes swollen, nose dripping, blubbering mess" kind of cry, I thought to myself that this is the beginning of the end. These pregancy horomones are definitely here, and they won't be going anywhere any time soon.

Seriously. Someone needs to give Sean a medal. Or a gift certificate for a steak dinner. A pat on the back...anything.

Week 14 Doctor's Appointment

2009-08-06T06:28:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday I went to see the doctor again for a check up. Nothing real exciting going on there. They weigh you, check your blood pressure, ask you invasive and slightly embarassing personal questions and make you pee in a cup. I'll do all of those things every single time I go. And the meeting with the doctor is short and sweet. I knew ahead of time that an ultrasound would not be done this visit. If you are a normal, healthy pregnancy they don't do ultrasounds as often as you think they do. Well, I was in for a surprise! The doctor was unable to find the baby's heartbeat with the doppler machine. You could hear my heartbeat loud and clear, but not Baby Cook's. This doppler is one like I use at work to find pulses in hands and feet-it's not very big at all, and no where near as fancy as the one they use at labor and delivery. Because he couldn't find the heartbeat with the doppler I had a surprise ultrasound! Baby Cook has stretched out quite a bit and you can clearly see arms and legs. It's not an alien baby anymore! And of course you could clearly see the heart beating on the screen. So far, so good.

Sean and I are headed to Pensacola this weekend for a wedding. I have to be honest and say that weddings are one of my least favorite social events to attend. Part of that comes from having to dress up. I am not a dress up kind of girl. I feel funny in heels, I hardly every wear make up anymore and I don't like to wear anything sleevless or short. I wish I could wear jeans everywhere! I started looking in my closet at my limited dressy clothes and knew I would probably have to buy something that would fit over my growing belly. I think every women has stood in front of their closet and lamented "I have nothing to wear!". This time it was absolutely true. To make a long (week long) story short, I started my dress buying adventure at Target and days later ended up at Gap. It's a tent of a dress, but it'll work. I'm sure people will just think I'm chubby. But I won't know anyone there, so somehow I think it will be ok.

Here's a 14 week belly shot. Sorry about using photobooth, but Sean isn't home to take the picture. And as soon as he connects the scanner to the computer I'll post the new ultrasound picture.

A Funny Thing About Pregnancy...

2009-08-03T19:45:00.000-07:00

Before you're pregnant, you catch your reflection in the mirror and check to see if you look fat.

After you're pregnant, you catch your reflection in the mirror and check to see if you look pregnant.

I'm ready for a baby bump!

Urine for a treat.

2009-08-01T21:52:00.000-07:00

Don't worry. I know it's a bad pun.

I've read countless times on the internet and in "What to Expect When You're Expecting" that urinary frequency is a common symptom of pregnancy. Supposedly it's pretty bad in the first trimester because of increased blood volume and a surge in horomones. And then it's bad again in the third trimester because you have a seven pound baby pressing on your bladder (and every other organ in your abdomen). Well, no matter how much you read about it, nothing prepares you for the dozens of trips to the bathroom you will make each day.

Currently I wake up three to four times every night to use the bathroom. I have slept through the night once since finding out I was pregnant. Once! I can go to the bathroom immediately before bed, fall asleep, and be awake one hour later to do it all over again. And after the second or third time I'm awake for good (thank goodness for Nick at Nite!) Out of curiousity, I kept a tally to see how many times I would go in one shift at work. Five or six? Not even a chance. I went 11 times in my 12 hour shift. Maybe this is God's way of preparing me to change diapers just as often.

Sean and I travel to Pensacola on Thursday. Anyone want to take a guess at how many times we'll stop for potty breaks? Hint: Pre-pregnancy we usually stopped once.

A New Home for Baby Cook!

2009-07-27T01:37:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the long hiatus. The past two weeks have been crazy for the Cook family. After months of looking (and then waiting) we finally bought our first home. We actually found the house back in April, but the renovations weren't complete until the middle of July. And because of the current housing market, the already stressful process of buying a house was made insanely stressful by the FHA underwriter. Stress is not good for a pregnant woman!! Thankfully Sean came through and spent the past few months dealing with realtors, bankers, home owners, insurance salesman, the guys at Lowe's and ME! He deserves a gold medal.

Last Sunday we moved in with the help of Sean's parents and my mom. And of course our good friends, the Atkins. Here's a picture of Sean and I sitting on our front porch. Sean painted the chairs for me while I was taking one of my many afternoon naps.

Unfortunately the fatigue hasn't let up all that much and I am still tired all the time. It's better than it was a few weeks ago, but I still don't feel 100 percent. I'm hoping that I'll turn the corner in the next few weeks and the promise of feeling like a new woman in my second trimester will become a reality. Other than being tired I feel great! I occasionally have some mild nausea and I still get crabby now and then, but for the most part this pregnancy has been smooth sailing. I feel very thankful for that and I am praying for a healthy pregnancy right up to the very end.

Here are some belly shots. Not much to look at...Mainly just me being bloated. I am starting to get more and more uncomfortable in my normal clothes but I think it's way to early to buy maternity clothes. I'm just ready to not look like I spend my afternoon's at the all you can eat buffet!

This is 9 weeks. I'm still wearing my SeaBands at this point.
And here is 12 weeks. Not too different. I still look like I need to take a walk around the block to work on a beer belly.

10 Week Ultrasound

2009-07-09T22:54:00.000-07:00

Has it really only been ten weeks?! I feel like this trimester is dragging sloooowly. I'm so anxious to be out of the first trimester and breathe a deep sigh of relief. On Tuesday (July 7th) Sean and I went for our first appointment with the doctor. I had some routine tests done and my first ultrasound. It was so surreal to see our little baby on the screen! Baby Cook even moved a few times for us. The heart rate was 188 (strong and fast!), which was very reassuring to me. Being a nurse, I like to have facts and numbers, and at ten weeks gestational age a heart rate of 188 is just about perfect. And "perfect" was a word the doctor used several times. Perfect heart rate, perfect fetal size, perfect pelvic shape (yay for child bearing hips!). God gave me the words I needed to hear to start relaxing a bit and start concentrating on growing a happy, healthy baby.

Next week we close on our house and will start moving in on the weekend. I'm going to try my best and not do to much work. I'm pretty stubborn when it comes to those things, and I feel horrible when people do stuff for me. My goal is to set up camp at the new house and unpack things as they come in. That way I will hopefully avoid any heavy lifting or back strains. And, because I'm working the night before, I'll try and squeeze a nap in there somewhere. Not sure how or where, but I'm going to try.

Here are our ultrasound pictures. The baby was in a funny spot, so the images are taken from weird angles.

Surprise!

2009-07-08T01:45:00.000-07:00

Well, not really. This was all planned. Sean and I decided in April (after many months of talking about it) that I would not refill my prescription for birth control. We had heard that it would take at least 2-3 months before we would get pregnant, and more likely it would take six months or so. Amazingly, it took us only a few weeks! Towards the end of May I wasn't feeling quite like myself. I was super tired and moody, but I figured my body was readjusting to being off birth control. I don't remember exactly why I decided to take a home pregnancy test, but I did, and it was positive! I didn't even tell Sean I was taking it because I just knew it would be negative. Boy was I wrong! We immediately called our parents and of course they were ecstatic. This is the first grand baby on both sides, so I see lots of spoiling in our future.

Compared to how some other women feel in their first trimester I consider myself pretty lucky. I've had occasional nausea, but I haven't thrown up at all. Those of you who know my weak stomach realize how amazing this is! I have to use the restroom all the time, which keeps me up all night long. And it doesn't matter how much sleep I've gotten, I could always use more. I have never felt more tired in my whole life. The exhaustion is unreal. I'm sure working night shift is making things worse. Just this past week I've noticed that I am crabby, crabby, crabby. Especially at work. The nurses I work with say they don't notice, but I feel like I'm no fun to work with. I told the x-ray tech the other night he should stop complaining about shooting x-rays. It's his job! That would be like me complaining about starting IV's or giving medicine. I'm trying my best to keep my attitude in check, but sometimes those hormones get the best of me. I don't feel like myself at all.

Sean has been a trouper through all of this. He has been supportive and patient and pulls me back from the brink with hugs and kind words. He's a great husband and I know he'll be a great father, too.

Hopefully I'll keep this updated, especially for the friends and family who live far away. And I'll try my best to post lots of pictures. Having a photographer in the family will help.

Check back soon and I'll have the ultrasound pictures up!